Selfmade
by Living in Chaos
Summary: Song fic. involving Angel. R&R.


**PuffPuff**: _We decided to do a song fiction piece_

**PinkPuffer**: _And we don't own the song or any copyrights to the hit show Angel._

**PuffPuff**: _The song is titled "My Own Prison" by Creed._

**PinkPuffer**: _Also it is about Angel. PuffPuff isn't responsible for the way this turned out so if it is really bad all the blame is mine_

**PuffPuff**: _Now that we got all that out of the way Enjoy ; )_

**Every one makes decisions in their day to day life without knowing the long term outcomes.**

A court is in session, a verdict is in  
No appeal on the docket today  
Just my own sin  
The walls are cold and pale  
The cage made of steel  
Screams fill the room  
Alone I drop and kneel  
Silence now the sound  
My breath the only motion around  
Demons cluttering around  
My face showing no emotion  
Shackled by my sentence  
Expecting no return  
Here there is no penance  
My skin begins to burn

**As a man there was no saving me, my actions led me down an alley that night and into the arms, that dammed me for eternity. In becoming a vampire there was no longer anything to save, as my darker nature took control. I've killed without mercy and made it an art form. From the shadows I stalked my pray watching and listening, to learn their deepest and darkest fears. When I finally struck their live became a living hell, I took everything, I let them see my demon and through their pain I become a saint. As a vampire I am Angelus, the demon with an angels' face. An angel of death. **

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride  
(And I said oh) We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one

**Live long enough and you will make many enemies, make very few allies, and never any friends. Life tends to have its ups and downs when I was Angelus, life was one big up. No matter how many I caused to suffer I was above it, what made her so special I'll never know. I still question why the decision to take her life should have such dire consequence when my life before then was nothing but death, blood, and pain to so many others. Her death was the rebirth of my soul. **

I hear a thunder in the distance  
See a vision of a cross  
I feel the pain that was given  
On that sad day of loss  
A lion roars in the darkness  
Only he holds the key  
A light to free me from my burden  
And grant me life eternally

**With my soul, I was Angel the vampire made to suffer for his sins. I was made to relive everyone of my victims death and suffer along with them. The pain was unbearable and yet I was to weak to end my own existence. I lived on the streets and hunted rats, to wrapped in my own soul induced suffering to notice the suffering of others. Then out of the pain came my salvation, a slayer like no other. **

Should have been dead  
On a Sunday morning  
Banging my head  
No time for mourning  
Ain't got no time

**She was made to fight a loosening battle between good and evil. Where others before her only saw black and white, she lived in grey. She was the only light in my world of dark. Fighting by her side became my reason for living. Loving her fueled a selfish desire to spend eternality by her side. I was destined to watch her grow old and die. **

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride  
(And I said oh) We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one

**Our love for one another lead to temptation and for a moment in time I was happy, complete. But I haven't suffered as my victims did and still need to atone. Our happiness lead to the loss of my soul. I was Angelus again and no matter how much I wish to deny the love in my heart for her it was still there. We always hurt the one's we love the most, I took pleasure out of watching her break and yet there was a foreign pain in my chest.**

I cry out to God  
Seeking only his decision  
Gabriel stands and confirms  
I've created my own prison  
I cry out to God  
Seeking only his decision  
Gabriel stands and confirms  
I've created my own prison

**No matter what I did she only became stronger. She was able to find the strength to do the right thing, saving the world, at the cost of her own happiness. I regained my soul as I entered a hell dimension for a hundred years. Almost a year in her world had passed when I was finally released . The hell I was in caused my mind to shutdown. Nothing was identifiable and I had become a savage. Even in that state she refused to give up on me. When she was in danger, I came to my senses fighting to protect her. With her help I was able to regain my strength, but she would forever be beyond my reach. **

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride  
(And I said oh) We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one

**For awhile we pretended that nothing had happened between us. That I hadn't tortured her friends, or forced her to send me to hell. No matter how much we wanted things to be the same between us, every touch was a reminder of what could never be. A simple kiss became torture because I knew that I was being selfish. She had everything to live for and had only just begun her life. The facts were plain she is alive and I'm dead. Her life is full of enough suffering; I was only causing more. When I left her after graduation there was no goodbyes for if I had said it, I would've never found the will to walk away. While driving out of town my heart stayed with my slayer. **

Should've been dead on a Sunday morning  
banging my head  
No time for mourning  
Ain't got no time

**I fight evil. Creatures that cause pain and suffering to everyone. I know there is no redemption for me, but I can't turn those in need away. Regardless of distance or time I will always fight beside my slayer for the good of the world. I am Angel, a vampire with a soul doomed to suffer and watch I the ones I love grow old and die. I am a champion for good. Hidden in the shadows I watch and listen hoping to make a difference.**


End file.
